now I'm depressed

Feels like all my parallel worlds are closed. Took a day off, bitches. Emptiness.

And you know what? The worst part of it - I realised it this morning in the bus - that I don't feel Severus anymore. He's just not there. Gone. I can't make him come back. It feels dead empty. It feels scary as shit. I'm sitting here trapped in my own numbness and trying to stay on the surface. It's raining like hell outside, and the weather is the only thing that makes life bearable. And it's my first day at work after vacation.

It's a human world, baby. Gotta pretend to be one of them.

I will remember...

...C2's lips. Soft. I've never thought lips could be so damn silky soft. Let us leave dealing with realities to physicists. For me that kiss is just "different kind of real". And that's all I want to remember. Probably also his calm and confident manners. Or C2 putting his arm under his shirt and pretending his heart is beating out of his chest while playing drums with the other hand.

He's leaving, anyways. I wonder with whom will C1 break my heart this time.

I've got a month to recover.