God have mercy on me...

...for once. Sometimes I feel I can't take it anymore. And yes, I do understand people jumping out in front of the cars on the highway. Because it hurts so much you can't bear it.

Right now I want to go out of the flat and run and run and run until I run into the love of my life somewhere in the darkest corner of this city. Or until I fall dead on the ground. Or scream the hell out of myself and cry it all out. But it creeps back, heavens, it comes back all the time.

And God I want to live so much.

I know this is not depression, it isn't. None of this nonsense.

I really should buy that gym card and and let the coach beat the shit out of me every second day or what.