I'm a moron. I am a fucking moron.

Sometimes I forget what an idiot I am. I give people false hopes for a day or two, and then fuck it all up completely. I am literally unbelievable.

So I decide it's time for a change. I register on a dating site, I meet a guy, we start chatting. Sure enough, he wants to meet.

It takes a fucking EFFORT for me to simply agree to a meeting. Because I know I'm a sociophobic intro-fucking-veeeeert. Then I say to myself - well, Anna, you are 27 years old, it's time you started dating men, it's time to started having sex, darn it. Like, with PEOPLE.

So we chat, talk on the phone, decide upon the plans for Saturday.. and then he starts talking about sex. Not straight words, of course, but quite clear. I joke it all away. And I spend four fucking hours trying to imagine myself having sex with somebody I don't even know, let alone having feelings for a person. I'm trying to persuade myself that it's FUCKING TIME!!! But - no. I can't. I want it different way, or better none.

SO I message the guy that it's not gonna work.

I am so going down with the evolution. So Darwin. The weak die out.

God have mercy on me, I'm all depressed and mentally destroyed again.

And it feels so lonely

But it's probably because of leaving home. I always feel abandoned and lost after returning to the capital city. That's not what I need. I feel torn off my roots, flowing in the air.

I urgently need an American

...to read a couple of poems. I mean, to read them aloud and record it. Cause I can't do American accent any more.